Family Strengths: Community and Family Ties
Strong families are connected to others in the community. They don't stand
alone. You will find such families closely involved with extended families and
friends, schools, churches, and local organizations that promote the well-being
of individuals and communities. Parents support groups that help develop and
educate their children.
While connections with extended family and friends are always important, their
support is often critical in times of great need. For example, one family lost
a husband and father in an auto-pedestrian accident. That left a wife and
mother, with little education and job skills, to rear five sons alone. Extended
family members stepped up to assist her. Her parents watched the youngest
children while she built a home-based business and got job training. A brother
took the sons fishing and camping. A school principal and teachers provided
additional support to children struggling with the loss of their father.
Friends lent their hands and listening ears to a bereaving widow.
Our support of our extended family is likewise important. While most adult
children report having a positive relationship with their parents, they can
sometimes do a better job of remembering their parents and meeting their needs.
Parents of adult children benefit from close ties with their children, even
when they cannot visit in person very often.
A story is told of an old widow named Leethe. She loved her children, all of
whom lived some distance from her home. She longed to receive letters from
them. She made daily walks from her house down a long pathway to her mailbox,
anxiously anticipating a letter from one of her children or granchildren. But
she was repeatedly disappointed. Her neighbors with aging relatives of their
own showed far more concern for Leethe than her own children did.
Only occasionally did Leethe receive a telephone call from one of her children.
But Leethe was hard of hearing and often asked, "What? What did you
say?" during calls. She pleaded with her children to write her letters,
for, after all, she couldn't "read" her phone conversations over and
over. Still, the letters didn't come.
One day a letter did come. It was from her daughter. Leethe was so excited she
could hardly wait to return home to read it. She had barely opened the envelope
when she suffered a fatal heart attack. As it turned out, the letter from her
daughter was written only to recommend that Leethe consent to being placed in a
nursing facility.
Being connected to family, friends, and the community benefits the young as
well. Three national studies found that social connectedness is associated with
fewer problem behaviors among youth. Recent research has also found a strong
connection between lower high school student achievement and parents' tendency
to be less involved after kids get to high school.
The Family: A Proclamation to the World
encourages extended family
support of the nuclear family and vice versa. Further, parents are admonished
to teach children to be law-abiding citizens wherever they live.
Here are some ideas for strengthening community and family ties:
Note Night. Choose from a list of relatives and friends one who is
"note-able" and write that person or family a brief note. Make it
fun. Tell about funny happenings as well as more serious events.
"This Meeting Will Come To Order." Issues affecting entire
communities are sometimes decided with little input from citizens. As a family,
attend a community meeting such as a school board meeting or community planning
board meeting. Get the agenda beforehand and prepare verbal and written
comments to share. This will reinforce participatory democracy beginning with
your family!
School Connections. Find ways to stay involved in your child's education from
kindergarten through high school graduation. Share a talent in the classroom,
attend parent-teacher conferences, support school events, and participate in
school policy making. Make your home a learning place. Show your children you
love to learn. Have children write down their academic goals. Discuss and agree
on rules about homework.
"Super Story." Family members who live apart can collaborate on a
story. Make a list of names and addresses of family members who have agreed to
participate. Write a paragraph or two to begin the story, then send it on to
the next person on the list. When the story comes back to you, send it on
again. Add to it as long as you like; photocopy the finished product for all
contributors.
Book the Recording Studio. Substantial distances often separate family members.
Send audio or video tapes of you reading a favorite book or story, telling
stories from your own life, or singing favorite songs. Send them to children,
noncustodial parents, grandparents, or other members of your extended family.
Listening to familiar voices reading favorite books can help children feel
secure and draw adults closer to children. Include a copy of the book, story,
or song so children and others can follow along as you read.
Citizenship Merit Badge. Visit the city council, a county commissioner's
meeting, the state legislature, or the U. S. Congress. Watch regulations and
laws being made. Interview a lawmaker. Learn the process for making policies
and laws. Learn how you can influence the outcome.
Neighbor to Neighbor. Strengthen ties you have with neighbors by being
neighborly. Find ways to be helpful, such as splitting wood, installing
fencing, or looking after children. Have a neighborhood yard sale and share the
profits. Get permission from authorities and block off a section of the
neighborhood and have a block party.
Address an Issue. Parents can teach their children to become involved citizens.
Look for a local, state, or national issue in the news that you can favor or
oppose. Write a letter on one issue to a city commissioner, school board
member, a legislator or even the president! Let each family member, even
younger ones, compose his or her own original letter. When the replies arrive,
discuss them as a family and place the letters in a scrapbook.
Adopt a Grandparent. People in need are all around us. A family might choose an
older person or couple to help by raking leaves, caring for a lawn or garden,
or cleaning or repairing a house. They might read to someone who can't see
well. They might visit a homeless shelter and perform humanitarian service.
Written by Stephen F. Duncan, Professor, and Kristi McLane, Research Assistant,
School of Family Life, Brigham Young University.
References
Duncan, S. F. (1999). Building family strengths
(MT 9405). Bozeman, MT: Montana State University
Extension Service.
Duncan, S. F. (1994). The activity book: Activities for building
family strengths (EB 128). Bozeman,
MT: Montana State University
Extension Service.
Duncan, S.
F. (2000). Practices for building marriage and family strengths. In D. C.
Dollahite (Ed.), Strengthening our
families: An in-depth look at the proclamation on the family (pp. 295-303).
Salt Lake City: Deseret
Book.